Seek value instead of success

Today we are surrounded with books and seminars and workshops aimed at making us more successful. Many of these are great men with great advice that is worthy of our attention. I myself read much of the self-help success material that is published which I ascribe to and promote their ideas. But before you begin your journey through the maze of self-help literature and expensive workshops out there I would ask you to consider the words of Albert Einstein who said. "Try not to become a person of success, but rather a person of value." You see in our race to becoming a success type we have learned all the markings of a successful person on the outside and have learned them well enough to fool a great many people into believing we are what we are selling. We even get to believing it our selves. We know how to dress like a successful person would dress; we learn how to talk like success, and even walk like success. For some of us, we have set our eyes on the goal of being a success so much that we have forgotten the most important and deeply intrinsic parts of being a real success; that is first to become a person of value. Albert Einstein was a student his entire life. From high school age he was a teacher himself of math and physics. He worked diligently writing papers that astounded scientists and physics teachers alike. He was never a stranger to hard work. In his spare time he produced papers for the patent office he worked at.. In 1909 at age 30 he became Professor Extraordinary at Zurich, in 1911 Professor of Theoretical Physics at Prague. A Nobel Prize winner, Einstein kept busy writing theories and papers receiving doctorates from practically every university he was associated with. He was surrounded by socialites who dragged him away from his work but he always found ways to excuse himself and he would be back off to work doing something productive with his life again. You see Einstein understood more than physics. He understood the worth of a man. He understood that character is built one stone upon another stone of good works and righteous living. Einstein was focused on his work so much he gave no thought to being a “successful” person. He had a unique philosophy about life, but one not so unique idea was that a person’s value was what was important in life. Improve upon your value than success comes to you as a by-product of your hard work. Indeed it was true for Einstein as it is for us all; the value of a person is what is important. It is the work ethic of a person that counts; their desire to grow and be more valuable is what makes things happen. To day as you go out to conquer the world, don’t strive for success as so many success gurus would have you do. There are no short cuts in life. You must become a person of character - of true value, and then success will follow just as it did with Einstein and the many other successful people before and after his time.

Approaches to feminization

Feminization has become quite a popular practice especially among transsexuals. It is the deliberate effort to adapt the traits of the female - their appearance, behavior as well as actuations. This is done as an ultimate expression of one’s personality as well as desires. This allows the male to attain the transformation that they normally would like to achieve. Though society is yet to understand and accept this, feminization continues to be prevalent especially in the world of transsexuals. Feminization has several types. It could be temporary or permanent. The temporary types include cross-dressing, changing names, forced and hypnotic feminization. Cross-dressing is where the male wears feminine clothing to appear feminine. This provides him satisfaction and considers the act gratifying for he gets to experience how it is to be feminine even for a short period of time. Changing names has also become a common practice especially for transsexuals. This is transforming masculine names into more female-sounding names. Name changing is similar to the special language of transsexuals which is also referred to as gay lingo. Forced feminization, on the other hand, is forcing your subject to appear and behave more feminine. It highlights the appearance of the male – he is asked to portray typical female characters; usually the adapting the domestic looks of females such as that of a secretary, house help, or nurse. He is then asked to follow instructions, at times from a female. This is a role-playing act that satisfies their desire to achieve change in dominance. The shift in power from male to female provides them with the adventure and provides them the opportunity to fulfill their hidden fantasies and desires. As some studies conclude, refusal from the one asked to follow is more or less superficial for both parties enjoy the act. But there are also cases where forced feminization is part of abuse and brutality as in the case of imprisoned males where they are forced to be feminine to provide satisfaction to their superiors. Hypnotic feminization is using hypnosis to allow the subject to find himself in a superficial environment where he gets to appear, talk and behave like a female; helping him realize his desires of actually becoming a woman even for a short period of time. The permanent methods include the undergoing medical procedures. Face Feminization is availing of cosmetic surgery to transform your features to become more feminine. Also, some medical procedures allow sex change where the genitals are changed from male to female. Hormones can also be placed inside the body to cause changes in appearance in behavior, becoming more feminine. These examples are the more drastic approaches to feminization.

Guilt v. shame

What is the difference between guilt and shame and why is the distinction crucial for our emotional and spiritual health? It’s invaluable to discern the difference between guilt and shame so that we can respond appropriately in situations and can ask others to respond to us appropriately and fairly also. It’s also vital that we know whether we are feeling bad because of something we have done or because we have simply gotten into the habit of feeling bad. Guilt is something our conscience compels us to feel when we have acted in a way that is not in alignment with our own moral compass. If we believe in being honest and we lie, we will feel guilty (even if we justify it as a “white lie” to ourselves or others). If we believe in the Golden Rule, “Do unto others…,” we will feel guilty if we treat someone disrespectfully or unfairly. In guilt, we feel bad about what we have done, not who we are. We are able to distinguish between the goodness of who we fundamentally are and the mistake we have made that requires correction/amends/asking forgiveness. Shame is a different experience. When we feel shame, it is not for what we have done, not for a particular behavior, but for who we are. When in shame, we want to hide; we feel that we don’t deserve love or respect. Shame is often a pervasive experience that we don’t recognize within ourselves. Shame can feel quite “normal.” When we feel ashamed, we emit a certain aura/vibe/energy. Others who pick up on this energy may misinterpret it and assume that we have behaved badly, causing them to overreact or for us to believe we deserve excessive punishment. We may not recognize the ways we carry and show our shame and wonder why others are so hard on us. This is how others mirror our beliefs about ourselves and why it’s so important to heal our shame. Shame can cause us to continue to act in ways that lead us to feeling guilty. So guilt and shame are part of a vicious cycle. How can we heal our shame? 1. The first step in breaking the cycle is learning to discern between guilt and shame. The following are the chief symptoms of shame. If you can identify with even one of these points, you are likely to be living in shame. • Comparing ourselves to others and finding ourselves always falling short • Embarrassment when we receive compliments • A general sense of unworthiness • Distrust that others truly like us or respect us—“waiting for the other shoe to drop” in every relationship • Accepting excessive blame—more than a situation warrants • Continually behaving in ways that go against our own standards of behavior • Feeling bad about certain thoughts, even when we have no intention of acting on these thoughts 2. The second step is to look at your recent “wrongs” objectively. What triggered those behaviors? What did you do about rectifying your actions? Did you over-apologize? Did you allow someone to verbally or physically punish you for your behavior? If you overcompensated in any way, then you are carrying shame, not just guilt, and you are doing yourself harm. 3. The third step is to retrace your path to where the shame started. Often, shame starts in childhood when a trusted adult shames us for something outside of our control: our sexuality, our intelligence, the way we spoke or dressed, a behavior we didn’t know wasn’t okay. Children soak up shame easily. 4. See the past with your adult eyes. Would you want to shame a child for what you feel shameful about? Let the child within you know that it was not his/hers to carry and that you release him/her from the shame now. For more understanding about guilt and shame and to discover how to thrive, order Jane Straus’s book, Enough Is Enough! Stop Enduring and Start Living Your Extraordinary Life, available at online bookstores. You can also log onto stopenduring to read more about Jane’s enlightening ideas, listen to interviews with her, preview one of her seminars, or sign up for personal coaching with Jane. To enjoy her frequent pearls of wisdom, register online for her free e-newsletter.

Make your heart soar

The Stanford Research Institute as well as The Harvard Research Center has discovered that 15% of a person's success in life is determined by knowledge compared to 85% being determined by attitude. It's not an overstatement to suggest that your attitude is more important than your aptitude!. Enthusiasm is to be found where those most important things you value reside. These are the things that light you up. It is easy to know what lights you up because you know the feeling, no matter how fleeting. Just before the rational mind starts convincing you that you are mistaken, your heart soars for a moment. Your eyes light up and you hear that "Yes!!!" from deep inside. This is the seat of enthusiasm. Grab it, examine it and, above all, do more of whatever it is that creates it! The power of enthusiasm can get you through many problems, ill-health, and disappointing experiences. It increases your physical vitality and helps you to keep going even when you think you don't have any more strength. It adds importance to everything that you do. Enthusiasm can have a profound effect on the physical body as well. The pitch of your voice, your heart rate, even your posture, not to mention your energy level changes when you are filled with enthusiasm. In addition, people around you can detect it and will be affected too, because enthusiasm is contagious. An enthusiastic person is just more enjoyable to be around. When you are pleasant, upbeat, excited, or express a passionate behavior, others are infected. It is stimulating and attracts others to you; which will change your personal and professional life, for the better! Keep in mind that enthusiasm is not the same thing as just being excited. You can get excited about your new car. However, you would be enthusiastic about all the things that happened, the actions you took to get that shiny new delite in your driveway. This includes knowing you were ready to get a better and newer car and you made a commitment to get it, now. Then you used your time and energy to investigate various models and ultimately decided which one is had your name stamped on it. The test drive cemented your decision, so you took the leap and signed your "john hancock" to all those forms. Every new invention and creation is due to enthusiasm on the part of the inventor or creator. What you did to create this car is wear the enthusiasm lies! You are the creator of your shiny new car! Getting enthusiasm is a little like learning to breathe: Nobody can tell you exactly how to do it, but without it you know something is missing in your life. No one but you can discover that compelling purpose or exciting adventure that ignites enthusiasm inside you. You can however learn a great deal from others about how to use it to it's maximum advantage. Age, experience and traumatic events can sometimes take the edge off your enthusiasm, your thrill of life. So, how can you get it back? Think back to a time in your past when you were very enthusiastic about something, try to remember how it made you feel, how excited you were at the mere thought of it. Try to regain the passion and desire you felt back then. Remind yourself why it was thrilling to you. Remember though everyone changes, and so does your enthusiasm for different things. So what "tooted your horn" yesterday may be something you pass by today! According to the dictionary, enthusiasm means 1. great excitement for or interest in a subject or cause. 2. a source or cause of great excitement or interest. 3. ecstasy arising from supposed possession by a god. The word actually comes from the Greek 'entheos' meaning "the God within." Let's see how you can get a bit of the action, by using the immense power of Enthusiasm. * Enthusiasm grows when you focus on solutions and opportunities, not problems and circumstances. * Always spend your time with positive, enthusiastic people! Enthusiasm produces success. So mix with and learn from those people you regard as dynamic, electric, and have achieved a bountiful life. SIDE NOTE: Don't waste your time and energies on naysayers who are always putting you down. And, you don't have to let yourself bleed for the sake of people who drain you (without giving anything in return). * Forget about yesterday. Be enthusiastic about the now, for that is all that really matters. * Find your balance. Eat good food, maintain positive energy vibrations, listen to music you enjoy, spend time in nature. Take care of yourself! * Make love happen . Be the love that you are looking for. Love, and you will be loved! * One of the best ways to receive more of what you want, is to be sincerely grateful for what you have already. So for today, no matter what the rational mind says look on the bright side of life. Look and listen for the places, events, ideas, people and activities that make your heart shout that loud "Yes"! And, spend some time deciding how to bring more of those things into your life. YOU DESERVE IT!

How busy are you a great tip for effective time management

Copyright 2006 The National Learning Institute You receive a phone call from the CEO who asks whether you’d be interested in taking on a special assignment. In this assignment you would report directly to the CEO and participate in making some of the important strategic decisions facing the company. This assignment would provide you personally with major growth and career opportunities. The offer has only one catch; because the assignment is only part time requiring about one day per week, you would have to do your present job in the remaining four days. Would you take the assignment? Before reading any further please answer “”Yes” or “No” – Would you take the assignment? HBR (October 2002) reports that this question has been posed to hundreds of managers, most of whom believed that they already lacked the time to do their jobs properly. Yet, ninety nine percent of them take the assignment. Why? Are these managers (and perhaps we could include ourselves):  Admitting that if the motivation were powerful enough, they could eliminate or do in much less time eight to ten hours worth of current activities each week without negative consequences?  Currently spending time performing unproductive, time wasting activities (that they could easily drop) to avoid or escape job related anxiety? Like the other 99% of managers, did you answer “Yes”?. If so, what activities that you currently do, could you eliminate or do less of to free up some of your time for the more important things you need to do? As the HBR article points out, almost all managers escape some job-induced anxiety through a variety of unproductive, often unconscious, psychological mechanisms – rationalization, denial, blaming and so forth. One of the most costly is busyness; the escape into time consuming activities that managers find less threatening to perform (though much less productive) than the tough aspects of their jobs. I call these “comfort tasks” – comfort because they are generally mindless and easy to do. However, having done them, have we progressed any of the major tasks we need to achieve? The answer is almost certainly “No”. And like good food, “comfort tasks” make us feel good, but if we have too much, we feel bloated. The trick is to keep the comfort tasks to an enjoyable minimum and thus not become “time management obese”. So, how do you reduce the amount of time spent on “comfort tasks”? The first step is to become aware of how much time each of us spends on these comfort tasks. Remember, for most of us, these comfort tasks are done unconsciously, so we need to find out what they are. For the next week: • Place a very bright post-it note somewhere visible with a large question: “Is this a comfort task?” (You will quickly learn to identify them because they are the things that you start to do when your mind wanders AND you find yourself not working on the required major goals, tasks or activities) • Take a note of the things you do that are comfort tasks (i. e. they are not progressing your major goals or activities) During the following week: • Make a conscious effort to reduce the amount of time you spend on identified comfort tasks. • Keep in mind, that some time spent is ok (and healthy), but overdoing it is overdosing! In the future, should you find your mind wandering, remember the “comfort task” trick and get back on track. This simple technique is bound to free up some of your time to focus on the really important things either within your job or private life.